Human beings are uniquely, cooperatively communicative. It’s what makes us human and has driven our evolution (see my sermon on the book, Survival of the Friendliest from last September). And I would say about 99% of my job is communication. The other 1% is stacking, re-stacking, and carrying books back and forth from my home to my office.
But even though it is so fundamental to who we are and such a big part of my job, communication is so hard! There are thousands of ways, in any given day, to get it wrong, both in terms of what we say and how we interpret what others say. There are so many ways to not say enough, to say too much, to say something with your face that you don’t mean to say or to think someone else is saying something they don’t mean to say. There are times I think I’ve communicated something only to find I just had the conversation in my head but didn’t get it out of my mouth. Do I need to even mention how social media has complicated our communication?
Being in community, such as we are, gives us the chance to keep working at deepening our understanding of ourselves and one another. At UCE, we have opportunities to keep trying, failing, learning, and growing. There are tools that can help, like nonviolent communication. Though there are problems with it, I still think NVC is useful in examining what I’ve observed, how I feel about it, what I need, and how to request what I need. And life offers countless opportunities to practice asking what others feel and need, rather than making assumptions.
Case in point, my brothers and I have been trying to plan our family vacation together for next summer. We’ve all be searching the internet for places that would have enough space for all of us, in the right configuration, at the time when we can all make it work, in a location we can all get to. The 20+ person text chain was blowing up and ideas were coming from and flying in all directions, as were the miscommunications. “Is he mad at me?” “Does she want to go somewhere else?” “Why don’t they like the place I suggested?” Finally, I said to two of my brothers (in a text) “Can we just get on the phone because I’m having a hard time knowing what each of us wants and what we don’t want.” So, we got on a call, got some clarity, and in short order, we figured it out.
Communication with two or three others is complicated. Multiply that by a congregation of about 400 people, and the possibility for miscommunication is boundless. There is so much going on at UCE, so much that each of us wants, hopes for, assumes, and thinks about in terms of what we should be doing and how. And there is so much going on with people personally, sickness and loss, anxiety and fear. And it’s impossible for us all to get on the phone at the same time and figure things out. So, we keep working at bridging those gaps between us, one conversation, one email, one newsletter article, one Sunday worship service at a time. And we try to create opportunities for us to gather in large groups for deeper conversation.
Two Fridays ago, about 60 of us gathered with the Board of Trustees for a facilitated conversation with Rev. Sharon Dittmar, our UUA MidAmerica Regional Representative. She asked questions and had us share in small circles, finding new conversation partners each time, about what we love most about UCE, what our dreams and hopes are. There were some inspiring ideas and heartfelt stories shared by people of all ages about how we can expand our practices of inclusion – to immigrants, young people, families, and our interfaith neighbors. The children showed the grown-ups their fun and fantastical drawings of their visions of UCE. This was just the beginning of what the Board and staff are planning to be an open, engaging, and ongoing process of reflection with the congregation over the coming months to help us cultivate and articulate our shared aspirations together. Please join in these conversations as often and as deeply as you can when the opportunities arise throughout the year.
Good communication, like so much that we do, is a practice that we can all work on getting better at. I’ll close, in the spirit of that practice, by sharing my goals for this year. I want to:
- Prioritize self-care and spiritual nourishment – scheduling and preserving time for stillness, creativity, and visioning to sustain my ministry
- Practice creative and transformative worship design that helps our congregation embody and incorporate our shared values
- Deepen our shared ministry by integrating new administrative tasks and communicating and delegating effectively.
What are your goals and aspirations toward the work of UCE: nurturing the human spirit for a world made whole, building Beloved Community, and engaging our interconnection? I’m looking forward to the year ahead, to having deep and meaningful conversations with you about these and other things, to listening and sharing what’s on our minds, and trying to navigate the great sea of information that floods us every day, with Love and with Justice.
Yours in Faith,
Rev. Eileen
Practicing Beloved Community at UCE 