As we come to the end of another liturgical year, when things slow down a little (but definitely don’t stop!) it’s a time to reflect on the many joys we’ve shared over the past twelve months. I’ve been asked often in clergy gatherings, “What’s keeping you going? What feeds your spirit?” My garden always springs to mind. My deep purple irises finally all snapped open this week. I was hoping I’d have them for flower communion, but they were two days late.
The birds at the jar of grape jelly I hang to draw the orioles has also attracted a house finch. I watched him flutter and struggle and fail to land on the lip of the jar so that he could get to the sweet treat inside. It took him a few days, but eventually he managed to figure it out.
And, among these daily joys, all of you also lift my spirits. As demanding as ministry is, it is also deeply fulfilling. My spirit is continuously sustained by this community, by our time together on Sunday mornings, by meeting folks who are joining us for the first time, visiting with those of you who have been a part of this community for decades, and in the in-between times of pastoral conversations, committee work, and worship planning. I am so grateful to be in shared ministry with you all.
As we celebrate the joyful triumphs this year – solar panels, rummage sale, auction, our fantastic choir – we acknowledge our growing edges, including the ways we are engaging in productive and relational conflict. Most of us recognize conflict as a necessary part of life and part of a thriving community. It’s impossible to be in authentic relationship, to grow and transform without conflict. What matters is how we face it and work through it. As a whole congregation, we are getting better at moving through conflict and hard conversations. And that doesn’t mean it’s fun or easy.
I’ve been hyper aware, personally, of the ways conflict shows up and the lengths we will go to avoid it. I’m seeing it in my family of origin and hearing about it in other families too. As much as we are working on it, I still see conflict avoidance in our congregation as well. It’s a very human thing to try to get around saying hard things to the people we love.
Our Covenant of Engagement encourages us to, “speak and listen with open hearts and minds; engage in authentic, courageous, and civil conversation; clearly articulate our expectations and priorities; speak directly to those concerned with an issue; offer and receive appropriate criticism and praise; and provide timely, specific and clear feedback.” That’s a tall order but I see us, collectively, really working on it. When I’ve been the recipient of difficult feedback, offered with kindness and honesty, it builds my trust and sense of closeness to the one sharing it.
Conversely, when feedback is shared anonymously, I can feel blindsided. I don’t know where the feedback is coming from or what to do with it. And so, I want to encourage you, if you have feedback for me, for the staff, or each other, please share it with these considerations:
- Say it directly. Anonymous feedback shared through a form or as hearsay (ie. “people are saying…”) is counterproductive and impossible to effectively address. If it feels too hard or scary to speak directly, reach out to the Congregational Relations Team or the Committee on Shared Ministry for support.
- Please try to share your feedback with honesty, care, and kindness. You might consider the acronym THINK, and consider whether something is True, Hopeful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind.
Our congregation is a place where we can practice saying and doing difficult things, with love and care. We won’t always get it right. We won’t always be kind, honest, inspiring, or hopeful, but we can keep practicing together and, if we build our capacity to manage conflict and disagreements with love amongst each other, we will be more equipped to practice these necessary skills out in the world, with our families, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. The world is increasingly harsh, dishonest, and unkind. We can build our resistance to these and other societal ills together.
I hope you find ways to keep nurturing your spirits this summer. Keep coming to services as you can on Sundays. Look for beauty and take note of it. Stay engaged in what’s happening in the world. I hope to see you on Thursday evenings at 7pm with your uplifting signs at one of our designated corners: Dempster & Ridge, Main & Chicago, or Central & Central Park. Thank you all for the many ways you demonstrate and commit to the hard work of living our values. I’m so grateful to be in practice with you.
With love and appreciation,
Rev. Eileen
Practicing Beloved Community at UCE 